By Sherrie B. Miller

Jewish Dating, Jewish Singles

The Torah tells us regarding the thanksgiving offering: “It must be eaten on the same day, you shall not leave any of it until morning; I am Hashem.”

The Torah is teaching us a very essential lesson. We may not leave any leftovers for the morning in order to show our faith in Hashem that He will provide for us. We mustn’t worry about lacking that which we need nor should we have a “scarcity” mentality; we must believe in our hearts that Hashem will not betray us nor will he let us down.

The flip side of this teaching is that the “abundance”, which we’ve grown up with in the Western world, generates a lot of confusion.

Consumerism is both a blessing and curse: Cable TV gives us a choice of no less than a thousand channels and the coffee aisle in the supermarket abounds with innumerable different flavors. “New and improved” products are always becoming available. Therefore, we find it difficult to choose and we grow accustomed to waiting for the “new and improved” model.

Similarly, in the shidduch world many people are plagued by fears and doubts of making a mistake. “How do I know that this is the one?” many ask themselves and others. “Perhaps tomorrow someone more suitable will enter my life.” Nowadays, when the choices seem to have increased, the choosing process seems to have become more anxiety provoking. Choices, while desired, always create anxiety.

We must realize that we can never have all the information and all the facts. In order to live fully and create our life we must have the courage to choose. Our choices must be based on our ultimate sense of purpose and values.

The Talmud in Sotah, tells us that one who has bread in his basket and worries about what he will eat tomorrow, is showing a lack of faith in the Almighty.

Perhaps Chazal are telling us that we are meant to eat the bread that we have today, appreciate it fully and “make it” the best piece of bread I’ve ever eaten! Be in the moment and enjoy it thoroughly.

When we are in a relationship with someone, we ought to be totally focused on it, without wondering what is waiting for me just around the corner. To determine whether or not this potential mate is suitable requires an objective approach and an emotional one.

Objectively speaking, we must ask ourselves:

*“Are we similar?” I do not mean identical, because even if it were possible, it would not contribute to my self-growth. “Similar” means being raised in a similar type of home, similar in age and similar in “hashkafa”.

*Do I respect this person and would I like my children to grow up to be like them?” Respect gets us through the angry moments, when love seems to wane.

*”Do I feel comfortable enough to be authentic, the “real” me with this person?”

No doubt that subjectively, on the emotional level, physical attraction plays a big role. Having said that, we ought to remember that outer beauty fades and that if it were the ‘be all and end all”, why would there be so many failed marriages in the world of Hollywood and models?
Give a potential mate a chance. Often times investing the time to get to know a person from the inside out, will allow their true beauty to shine!

Just as we are warned by the Torah not to have a “scarcity” mindset, let’s not be sidetracked by a world of “abundance” that leads to confusion and indecision.

Take that leap of faith! Trust Hashem that if you commit to do your part in creating a successful marriage, He’ll do His!

Sherrie B. Miller is a Jewish matchmaker on SawYouAtSinai and a dating coach in Jerusalem. She received her counseling degree from the Michlala in Jerusalem and an M.A. in Jewish Education from Touro College. Sherrie is certified by Midreshet Emunah and is accredited by the Rabbanut of Israel, to be a pre-marital couple’s counselor and Kallah teacher.

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