How we can help
reverse the loneliness of those single looking to be
By Tzivy (Ross) Reiter
It is tragic to think of the thousands of matches that
are not being made, the generations that aren't being created, the sheer numbers
of bright, fine accomplished individuals who remain single. Just imagine how
much loneliness is being felt, how many tears are being shed, how many families
aren't being created…
The best way that we can make an impact on this
widespread and painful problem is through taking upon ourselves to make a
difference, one person at a time. I would like to suggest some ideas to start.
Feel free to use the comment section below to share your
time you meet someone single who you are impressed with, think of who you might
know of for them. Write their name and contact information down for the future
in case you can't think of an appropriate idea right
- Keep a
list of everyone you know that is single, and add to it as you meet new people.
Through your natural network of family/friend/community contacts, you probably
know many more singles than you realize. Keep one list of all the single men
that you know of, and a separate list of all the single women. Only include
individuals whose character and presentation you are impressed with. Every week,
take one name from your list and cross-check against the list of the opposite
gender. You will probably come up with more ideas for matches than you realized
proactive on behalf of your single friends. Choose one single person and try to
network on his or her behalf. Call up relatives and friends, especially those
who know many different people (i.e. teachers, rabbis, businesspeople), and
describe this person to see if they have any ideas for them.
persistent. If you think of an idea for a match, follow through on it. If the
person that you thought of is unavailable, check back with them in a few weeks.
If you mentioned the idea to the interested party, don't leave them hanging. Get
back to them with the status of the match.
- Put some
thought into your match ideas. Set people up based on their stated preferences,
life philosophy, religious orientation, and interests. "He's tall, she's tall"
is not enough -- and it's not fair to the singles who may be emotionally drained
after having already dated 100 people looking for the right
- Get you
single friends to define their life goals, and criteria for choosing a spouse.
Have your single friend describe the four unique qualities that define them, and
the four top qualities they are looking for in a partner. Besides helping your
friend clarify his/her future, this will make your job as the matchmaker
respectful of the decisions that singles make, and do not second-guess them or
give unsolicited advice. Do not push them into dating someone that they do not
want to go out with, and don't make them feel as if your match idea is their
last chance to get married.
discrete. Guard the privacy of the singles that you are helping and do not
repeat details of their dates to others.
make the single status of your friends the focus of all your conversations with
them. Don't ask them about their dating life unless they bring up the subject.
Singles successfully develop their careers, engage in spiritual pursuits and
pursue multi-layered interests. There is much for them to talk about, yet sadly
they are often defined by the one thing they still
think that you have to be a proven "matchmaker" in order to set people up.
Anyone can set up a match, as long as you persevere and use common sense and
compassion. Even if you don't know the parties well, they will only be flattered
and touched if you call them to suggest an idea or clarify what they are looking
- If you
want to take your involvement to the next level, you can become a registered
matchmaker at www.SawYouAtSinai.com,
a website that matches singles with matchmakers. The site allows you to choose
prospective matches from thousands of singles worldwide, whom you would
otherwise not have had access to.
trying. Don't get discouraged if your match ideas don't seem to be working out.
(Imagine how the singles feel!) The Talmud says that that making a match is as
difficult as splitting the Red Sea! But the
reward of success is enormous.
Every match that is made spawns eternal results -- for
the singles who are now complete, for their descendants, and for the community.
The Talmud says that since creation, God has been spending His time making
matches. What a great opportunity for us to get involved and
This article can also be read at: http://www.aish.com/dating/wisdom/Making_a_Match.asp
Tzivy is a Licensed
Clinical Social Worker who currently works at Ohel/Bais Ezra supervising services to the developmentally
disabled population. He is also a shadchan for