Finding Your Beshert
By Lesley Silver-Winick
What is Beshert – best translated as your soul mate that Hashem (G-d) has pre-ordained that two souls will meet. It says in the Talmud (Bible) that 40 days before you are born that "the daughter of so and so is destined for this person." This is your Beshert. A match made in heaven.
Does this mean that we should wait around? If G-d has already chosen our Beshert, then one day that person should just appear. The answer to this is no, just as your Beshert has been chosen for you there is the possibility that with free will involved, you may not actually meet your Beshert.
How do we know if the person we meet is our Beshert? There is still a lot of work ahead to finding your Beshert. It is a difficult process, to find your Beshert, it is even more problematic as we all have a pre-conceived idea of the type of person we are looking for. With this sometimes your Beshert may be overlooked.
Finding your Beshert is bringing two souls together. Just as Eve was made from Adam's rib, and then they were reunited, so to is the connection for husband and wife, finding your Beshert means bringing your two souls together, and becoming whole once again.
The dating world is difficult enough. Some are lucky and find their Beshert after the first introduction, but I am sure in some of these cases these people may also second guess themselves, and question if this person is truly there Beshert. You want to figure out what is really important to you. It is difficult to finding your Beshert when you are in your late teens or early 20's, and Orthodox, how do you really know what you are looking for? One of the things you may consider is when meeting your prospective beshert, is how does this person make you feel? Do you feel that you could be a better person by being with them? That could be your Beshert.
You also have to remember that no one is perfect, and you must decide which "faults" you may be willing to compromise on. Finding your Beshert may be very difficult, don't go into it thinking that it will be easy, for some it is, others will wait years to meet their beshert. For the Orthodox, finding your Beshert, the pressure is on, as if you don't find someone within the first year of looking, you will also have the people that are ready for finding their Beshert who weren't ready the year before.
There are also many people who over time become religious, “Baal Teshuvas” that may be older. Some are divorced and have become religious after the first marriage, and others became more and more religious over the years. Is this to say the first marriage wasn't their Beshert, and now they are looking for their Beshert? Only Hashem knows the answer. Some find their Beshert right away, and for others, such as myself, it took 23 years of dating to find my Beshert at 39 years old. I look back now and know that I had to wait for my Beshert, because he had to go through 20 years of marriage to someone else, become religious, for me to meet him.
To find your Beshert you must be open minded and really consider when someone discusses a potential match for you; don't necessarily turn someone down because that person could be you Beshert.
Lesley has been working as a Jewish Matchmaker on JRetroMatch and writer for www.sawyouatsinai.com, therefore works with Jewish Singles all over the world. She has been working in Social Services for 20 years in different capacities. Getting married at age 40 has brought her to experience first hand the world of dating for an extended period of time and hopes that her experiences can be helpful to others. She is the proud mother of 4 children, two being step children and looks forward to helping Jewish singles.