Thanks to SawYouAtSinai.com, a Jewish dating site started by Marc Goldman of Woodmere, I’m finally able to be an official matchmaker. I should begin by saying that I absolutely love to set people up. It makes me feel good, lifts me up emotionally, and can be tremendously satisfying. However, it’s a lot more difficult than I originally thought. First, being single and a matchmaker at the same time is pretty tough; I can’t always be as honest with guys as I could if I were married. Second, one can’t be too thin-skinned as a matchmaker. People often get angry at the matches they’re sent, instead of just being thankful that the matchmaker is working on their behalf.

When I was finishing my last semester at Stern College, I met a freshman in my psychology class, and I thought to myself, Hey, she might get along well with a certain guy friend of mine. I set them up and, lo and behold, they got married, and now they have lots of great kids. Whenever this couple sees me, they call me Aunt Michele in front of their kids and explain how I set up their mommy and daddy. It feels great. The best part of this setup was that neither one asked a million questions about the other. They met, talked, and decided for themselves that they were good together. I don’t take too much credit, because we all know matching is from Hashem, but I like to think that I was placed in a good position to help them meet.

Setting up friends is really difficult. It’s like playing “Twenty-One Questions” with no good answers. And after studying the laws of shemiras halashon (the laws of proper speech), I’ve found that it’s even harder. I didn’t know until recently that there were so many laws regarding making shidduchim. I’m a little nervous now about suggesting a match, because there are so many conditions that have to be met halachically. I find some of the conditions very interesting (and scary), such as: If I know my friend only wants to date a guy two years younger than she, I can’t set her up with a guy two years older without telling her first, because that would be misleading. Even if I think a friend has an irrational checklist, I still can’t ignore it and set her up with someone who doesn’t fit her criteria, unless I consult first with a rav. There are so many examples that are discussed by the Chofetz Chaim that it’s made me quite anxious about matchmaking, although I do very much want to help my friends meet.

So imagine my happiness when I received an e-mail from SawYouAtSinai, explaining how anyone can be a matchmaker. It works like this: Say I receive a match via the site, and I decide the guy is not for me but he’s a “good catch.” I can suggest him for a friend of mine, even if she’s not a member of the site. This gives me the opportunity to set up my friends without going into detail about the guy/girl. I just do the suggesting; the site does the actual set up. I feel as if setting two people up in this manner lets me off the hook in terms of describing the two people to each other, which has the potential for lashon hora. But it still gives me the leeway to hand over my ideas to the site, and it can be taken on from there.

When I got into the office one recent morning, one of the first things I did was log onto SYAS. I then scrolled through past matches I’ve declined, or guys I previously dated, and I thought about which girlfriends might be interested in some of these guys. I came up with five ideas in as many minutes. I had the choice to have my name revealed to the couples or to be anonymous; I chose anonymity. Sometimes friends or acquaintances don’t understand how you could have thought of them for a specific guy or girl, so suggesting a match anonymously takes away the pressure and worry that you will insult a friend. This is a huge plus. If the match works out, great. If it doesn’t, I don’t have to lose a friend’s trust, or gain a friend’s frustration with me for suggesting such a “crazy” match.

Four out of the five guys I suggested were ones I had previously gone out with and thought highly of, and the girls I suggested for them are ones I’m close to and know fairly well. I can’t predict if they will get along well with each other, but I can say with certainty that these are quality girls and guys, and maybe if the matches don’t work out, they can do the same matchmaking for others.

So thanks to SawYouAtSinai.com, I get to meet new guys and be a matchmaker at the same time. I would encourage singles to try to help others in this manner. Think of guys or girls you like who may not be for you but whom you deem as being “quality” people. And whether it’s through SawYouAtSinai or on your own, set people up. There are too many singles out there for us to not take some kind of action. Everyone has a different role in matchmaking; for singles I believe the role is to look out for your friends. If you concentrate on setting up friends, hopefully Hashem will credit the mitzvah to you and you will in turn meet your bashert speedily.

I hope at least one of my five suggested matches agrees to go out. And I hope that these ten people will say to themselves, “Someone thought of me; I will now think of someone else.” In this way, we should all be zocheh to meet the “right” person at the right time.

My wish for all singles is that this year should be one in which you are all blessed with finding your bashert. Just as important, you should all have the clarity to know that it is the right person for you. My thoughts, hopes, and wishes are with all of you in this New Year. Shanah Tovah.

Michele Herenstein is a freelance journalist living and working in New York. She can be reached at michelesue@gmail.com.