Introduction
I often wonder how well we know ourselves. Perhaps the best image is what we
do when we are trying on clothes in a dressing room. In order to see how the garment
fits, we have to stand in front of a three-way mirror. In the process, we keep moving
so that we can see the full image. With patience and work, we can get a clearer
picture.
This process is analogous to the way that we get to know ourselves. We think
of ourselves in one way. Often, this view is tested when we interact with others.
Sarah’s own story comes to mind to illustrate an enhanced way of learning about
myself.
Raised as almost an only child, there was very little sharing that I had to
do. I had my own room and my own bathroom. For some reason, I grew up with the feeling
that I was a selfless person.
I was in for a BIG surprise when I got married. Little did I know that I wasn’t
so selfless after all. Sharing was a new quality that I had to learn. Fortunately,
I had a very supportive husband who helped me to learn this quality.
No one enjoys these types of surprises. Is there an alternative to the “rude awakening”
that Sarah had as a new wife?
The old saying, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” comes to mind.
What if singles were to sit down with an instrument that would address a variety
of qualities that encompass daily life? After completing such a form, what if they
were to reflect on the results to see if there was any information that they didn’t
know about themselves? Following this self-reflection, what if they were to share
the results with a trusted friend who could provide additional feedback?
Therefore, to help you get a better idea of who you are, I designed a questionnaire
that could provide a very detailed profile. Although lengthy, I suggest that you
try to complete one or two sections at a time.
The key to this activity is complete and total honesty. Take your time to finish
it and then let it sit for a while. When you return, take a look at it again from
a fresh perspective. Allow yourself to find aspects of your personality that you
hadn’t previously known.
To test your self-understanding, choose a trusted friend with whom you can gain
additional feedback. Remember the goal: More detailed and honest self-knowledge.
Feel free to share the results with me: chayamend@gmail.com.
Good luck!
Who am I?
To get a clear sense of who we are, circle the number that best represents the following
abilities. On the scale, 1 is never; 2 is hardly ever; 3 is sometimes, 4 is often;
and 5 is very often.
Personal Characteristics
1. I can control my emotions.
1
2
3
4
5
2. I am a naturally calm person.
1
2
3
4
5
3. I consider myself a rational person.
1
2
3
4
5
4. I don’t get discouraged easily.
1
2
3
4
5
5. Things do not have to go as planned for me.
1
2 3
4
5
6. I work well under stress.
1
2
3
4
5
7. I am able to compromise.
1
2
3
4
5
8. I try to understand the views of others.
1
2 3
4
5
9. I judge others favorably.
1
2
3
4
5
10. I look for the good qualities in others.
1
2
3
4
5
11. I don’t mind if others don’t agree with me.
1 2
3
4
5
12. I regard myself as being flexible.
1
2
3
4
5
13. I take responsibility for my actions.
1
2
3
4
5
14. I like to be spontaneous.
1
2
3
4
5
15. I take time to examine my shortcomings.
1
2
3
4
5
16. I reflect on my behavior and actions.
1
2
3
4
5
17.
I am capable of admitting that I made
an error.
1
2
3
4
5
18. I am a self-starter.
1
2
3
4
5
19. I consider myself to be honest.
1
2
3
4
5
20. I don’t have to be the center of attention.
1
2
3
4
5
21. I don’t carry a grudge.
1
2
3
4
5
22. I am not materialistic.
1
2
3
4
5
23. I am a generous person.
1
2
3
4
5
24. I believe that I am humble.
1
2
3
4
5
25. Little things don’t bother me.
1
2
3
4
5
26. I take criticism well.
1
2
3
4
5
27. I do not overreact.
1
2
3
4
5
28. I am an energetic person.
1
2
3
4
5
29. I enjoy taking risks.
1 2
3
4
5
Relationships with Others
30. I have a number of close friends.
1
2
3
4
5
31. I feel capable of confiding in others.
1
2
3
4
5
32. I ask for help when I need to do so.
1
2
3
4
5
33. I have a good relationship with my family.
1
2
3
4
5
34. I set aside time to spend with my family.
1
2
3
4
5
35. I have no expectations of others.
1
2
3
4
5
36. I like to help others.
1
2
3
4
5
37. I enjoy praising others.
1
2
3 4
5
38. I communicate effectively.
1
2
3
4
5
39. I can read non-verbal cues.
1
2
3
4
5
40. I do not impose on other people.
1
2
3
4
5
41. I know how to be a good listener.
1
2
3
4
5
42. I don’t have to have the last word.
1
2
3
4
5
43. I appreciate what others do for me.
1
2 3
4
5
44. I like being around other people.
1
2
3
4
5
45. I enjoy people of different nationalities.
1
2
3
4
5
46. I benefit from collaborating with others.
1
2
3
4
5
47. It is easy for me to share.
1
2
3
4
5
48. I am happy when my friends succeed.
1
2
3
4
5
49. I am not manipulated by other people.
1
2
3
4
5
50. I am intolerant of abuse.
1
2
3
4
5
Outlook on Life and Myself
51. I have a positive self-image.
1
2
3
4
5
52. I like the activities in which I am involved.
1
2
3
4
5
53. I feel that my life is satisfying.
1
2
3
4
5
54. I am able to handle conflict.
1
2
3 4
5
55. I am not deterred by life’s challenges.
1
2
3
4
5
56. I am capable of change.
1
2
3
4
5
57. I am comfortable with disorder.
1
2 3
4
5
58. I enjoy having fun.
1
2
3
4
5
59. I know how to relax.
1
2
3
4
5
60. I am not defined by my job or my education.
1
2
3 4
5
61. I look forward to new experiences.
1
2
3
4
5
62. I am open to learning new ideas and skills.
1
2
3
4
5
63. I am tolerant of diverse ideas.
1 2
3
4
5
64. I consider myself to be independent.
1
2
3
4
5
Personal Habits and Preferences
65. I exercise regularly.
1
2
3
4
5
66. I function well in a noisy environment.
1
2
3
4
5
67. I take care of my appearance.
1
2
3
4
5
68. I eat balanced meals.
1
2
3
4
5
69. I take care of my health.
1
2
3
4
5
70. I don’t need much sleep.
1
2
3
4
5
71. I have a spiritual advisor.
1
2
3
4
5
72. I use my time wisely.
1
2
3
4
5
73. I set aside time for prayer.
1
2
3
4
5
74. I can throw things away.
1
2
3
4
5
75. I handle my finances effectively.
1
2
3
4
5
76. I worry about money.
1
2
3
4
5
77. Disorder and disarray don’t bother me.
1
2
3
4
5
78. I have much to contribute to the world.
1
2
3
4
5
79. I know how to reward myself.
1
2
3
4
5
80. I like nature.
1
2
3
4
5
81. I am able to multitask.
1 2
3
4
5
82. I push things off until the last minute.
1
2
3
4
5
Dating Practices and Beliefs
83. I believe that I will be a good spouse.
1
2
3
4
5
84. I enjoy the dating process.
1
2
3
4
5
85. I like to meet potential spouses.
1
2
3
4
5
86. I am respectful to the people I date.
1
2
3
4 5
87. I treat a date politely.
1
2
3
4
5
88. I am actively involved in finding a mate.
1
2
3
4
5
89. I speak with a variety of matchmakers.
1
2 3
4
5
90. I am part of a singles group.
1
2
3
4
5
91. I like children.
1
2
3
4
5
92. I look forward to being a parent.
1
2
3 4
5
93. I am open to relocating.
1
2
3
4
5
94. I have few requirements for a spouse.
1
2
3
4
5
95. I believe that I will get married soon.
1
2 3
4
5
96. I am listed on at least one Internet dating site.
1
2
3
4
5
97. I can date people who don’t match perfectly.
1
2
3
4
5
98. I am patient if someone rejects a match idea.
1
2
3
4
5
99. My dating history has a regular pattern.
1
2
3
4
5
100. I work with a dating coach and/or mentor.
1
2
3
4 5
List the numbers of the statements where you circled either a 4 or 5. In which categories
were these statements? Were you aware of this information before this workshop?
_________________________________________________________________
List the numbers of the statements where you circled either a 1 or 2. In which categories
were these statements? Were you aware of this information before this workshop?
_________________________________________________________________
Write additional comments or notes that could be helpful in the future:
_________________________________________________________________
About Dr. Chaya Newman:
Born and bred in America, Chaya Newman is a teacher educator who lives with her
family in Israel. She works in several post-high school settings teaching English
as a Second Language, educational research, and graduate education courses.
She has a passion for understanding the reasons that motivate people to act and
think the way they do. She also has applied the one of the main tenets of her dissertation,
individual dreams and goals, to her work as a matchmaker on SYAS.
She began her work with singles almost eleven years ago, preferring to work with
those over 25. She encourages them to use her as a coach and share any challenges
that may arise in their search for their bashert.
Chaya can be contacted at chayamend@gmail.com;
you should put "SYAS Column" as the subject of the email.
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PARSHAT BO: TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE!
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PARSHAT TOLDOT: LOVE DEPENDS
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PARSHAT NIZAVIM: THE SECRET OF LOVE IS COMMITMENT
PARSHAT KI TETZE: THE WARRIOR WITHIN
TU B’AV: THE JEWISH VALENTINE’S DAY! “GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT”
PARSHAT MASAY: THE JOURNEY FROM DATING TO MARRIAGE AND BEYOND
PARSHAT PINCHAS: HOW DO I MAKE OTHERS FEEL?
SHAVUOT: I PLEDGE TO BE A “HUMAN BECOMING”
TRUE INDEPENDENCE: CHOOSING TOGETHERNESS!
PARSHAT KEDOSHIM: LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF!
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Parshat Tzav - Mitzvot As Spiritual Practices: Enthusiastic Actions That Bring Us Together!
PARSHAT VAYIKRA: SELF ESTEEM AS DESTINY
PARASHOT VAYAKHEL-PIKUDEI: THE “DATING GAME”: PAVING THE ROAD TO MARRIAGE
PARSHAT KI TISA: INVEST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP!
PARSHAT TEZAVEH: A LOVE THAT LASTS FOREVER
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THE STORY OF CHANUKA: REVEALING THE LIGHT WITHIN!
Parshat Yayishlach: Communication- The Key to Intimacy.
GIVING OR GETTING?
PARSHAT NOACH: HARMONY IN DIVERSITY
PARSHAT KI TAVO: SELF-NULLIFICATION
PARSHAT RE’EH: CHOICES!
TU B’AV: THE JEWISH VALENTINE’S DAY!
TISHA B’AV: MOURNING THE DESTRUCTION OF OUR TEMPLE
PARSHAT BALAK: UNITE OR UNTIE: IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE “I” (EYE)!
PARSHAT CHUKAT: CONTROL ANGER BEFORE IT CONTROLS YOU!
PARSHAT KORACH: “IF YOU SPOT IT, YOU GOT IT!”
PARSHAT SHLACH: THE ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
PARSHAT B’HAALOTCHA: LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF
SHAVUOT: ” NA’ASSE V’NISHMA” COMMITMENT COMES FIRST!
Parshat Behar: Dating Etiquette
PARSHAT EMOR: A LEAP OF FAITH
THE POWER OF SPEECH: PARSHAT TAZRIA-METZORA
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The Rise, Fall and Subsequent Rise of the Jewish Matchmaker, otherwise known as The Shadchan
“OnlySimchas” for Jewish Singles Dating
Jewish Singles: Challenges for Jewish Singles Dating today
Jewish Dating 101: You reached the age for “Jewish Dating” for marriage, now what
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In The Ballpark
Are You in Love with Love?
How to Find Your Soul Mate: Secrets from the Kabbalah
The Silent Revolution of the Modern Era
To "Settle" or Hold Out for Happily Ever After
‘My Matchmaker Ignored Me!’ And Other Ways I Can Empathize
Cliffs Notes for the Jewish Dater
The Ten Commandments of Dating
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