Our love story begins approximately 3,800 years ago.
The Master of the Universe, King of Kings feels “incomplete”; He feels that He “needs”
to find a Bride. He wishes to find an extraordinary bride in order for His Presence
to be known and to enable Him to make a decisive impact on the world. Although clearly
the most awesome King, He is ”incomplete” because of His total goodness which is
not finding expression in a medium outside Himself. Therefore, even He “needs an
other”, someone to bestow His infinite kindness upon and someone who will facilitate
His being the ultimate Giver.
Where might such a search begin?
The possibilities are endless!
Hashem approaches numerous potential brides who reject the proposal for fear of
having too many restrictions and too many limitations placed upon them; in essence
they wished to remain in their familiar “comfort zone” disinterested in a constant
striving and growth toward self-perfection. When Abraham came on the scene he diligently
searched and revealed the uniqueness of the One and Only Almighty King then choosing
to be His loyal servant! Together with Sara Imeinu, they embarked on the formidable
mission of Parenthood, becoming the progenitors of “Knesset Yisrael”, the unified
and singular soul of the Jewish people, the ultimate Bride!
Having found the “perfect” bride, one would imagine that they would ride off into
the sunset and “live happily ever after”. Yet surprisingly enough, the King forecasts
that this nation (to be), would have to endure slavery in a foreign land being negatively
influenced by the base and corrupt culture they were surrounded by.
Why the need for such a seemingly unnecessary delay? Why not tie the knot in this
most pristine moment together with this extraordinary couple? The Jewish people
were destined to be enslaved in Mitzraim, be overwhelmed by the surrounding culture
of depravity and sink to the 49th level of Tumah-impurity. One more rung and there
would be no turning back! Imagine such a nefarious bride for the Master of the Universe,
the King of Kings?
In this astonishing act Hashem is teaching us a most profound lesson:
Undoubtedly, He could have chosen the perfect bride-the prettiest, the wealthiest,
the most intelligent of all. He could certainly have arranged the wedding before
they “went off the derech”!?!
So why didn’t He? What practical lessons can we extract from this Divine act in
order to guide us in our pursuit of a suitable bride/groom? If G-d in all of His
glory not only accepted and expected flaws and differences, perhaps we too, are
expected to follow suit. Searching for our “CLONE” is an exercise in futility, for
if we are identical, then one of us is superfluous! Outside of Hashem, perfection
does not exist, although it is an ideal and a goal to be pursued for eternity in
a relationship wherein two distinct people unite in creating a new and greater entity.
The basis of G-d’s choice of a bride, laid not in external characteristics, but
rather in the seeds of Avraham Avinu’s endless trust and incredible awe of Him.
In addition, it was Avraham’s desire to follow in the way of Hashem and become a
master of Chessed, a genuine GIVER, always attempting to emulate His characteristics.
We must challenge ourselves by understanding our need to expand and get out of our
own individual Mitzraim, out of our own limitations and short sightedness.
This challenge involves “loving another as I love myself”: just as I love myself
despite my shortcomings and flaws, so too must I love and appreciate others in spite
of theirs.
Oftentimes in marriage the thing that most attracts us to a (potential) spouse,
is the very thing that so annoys us later on. The sloppy type may be very impressed
with the organizational skills of a prospective mate, yet after marriage, disapproval
for being so sloppy becomes irritating. It is only through this type of difference
that we are confronted with our shortcomings and encouraged to work on change and
ourselves.
As the Jews in Egypt, we too have been negatively affected by the consumerist culture
we live in and are brain washed into believing that we must never be satisfied with
today’s product, since tomorrow, a “new and improved” version will be marketed.
We are also indoctrinated by Hollywood and the empty world of movie stars and models
to find “tall and thin is in”.
Instead, we should be focusing as Hashem did, on the real predictors of a lasting
and fulfilling marriage: Yirat Shamayim (awe of Heaven) and the desire to engage
in continual kindness. The Hebrew word for love is a verb. It means to give, not
in order to receive and not as a 50-50 business deal! Marriage is about two people
giving 100%.
And thus, the Chosen Bride was rescued and redeemed from the bondage for Mitzraim
(limitations) on Pesach followed by a 49-day count down, until the marriage ceremony
actually took place on the holiday of Shavuot. It was the result of 7 weeks of effort
and commitment to self-refinement and attention to life’s real priorities.
A frustrated young man who lamented that he’d been out with over 100 women and had
not found his bashert approached a great Rav. The Rav replied: “You found the right
one, but you threw her away!” By being focused on extraneous matters, we do not
see clearly and our judgment becomes impaired.
May we commit this Pesach to reevaluate our approach to dating, with Jewish priorities
in mind and be zoche with the help of Hashem to recognize our true bashert.
Biography:
Sherrie B. Miller is a Jewish matchmaker on SawYouAtSinai and a Jewish dating coach
in Jerusalem. She received her counseling degree from the Michlala in Jerusalem
and an M.A. in Jewish Education from Touro College. Sherrie is certified by Midreshet
Emunah and is accredited by the Rabbanut of Israel, to be a pre-marital couple’s
counselor and Kallah teacher.
Other Articles
PURIM: FINDING TRUE HAPPINESS!
JEWISH DATING: THE ART OF LISTENING
FOR JEWISH SINGLES
JEWISH DATING: INNER BEAUTY
IS THE REAL BEAUTY
Finding Your Beshert
The Rise, Fall and Subsequent
Rise of the Jewish Matchmaker, otherwise known as The Shadchan
“OnlySimchas” for Jewish Singles
Dating
Jewish Singles: Challenges for
Jewish Singles Dating today
Jewish Dating 101: You reached
the age for “Jewish Dating” for marriage, now what
Love and Beauty
Make your profile count
In The Ballpark
Are You in Love with Love?
How to Find Your Soul Mate:
Secrets from the Kabbalah
The Silent Revolution of the
Modern Era
To "Settle" or Hold Out for
Happily Ever After
‘My Matchmaker Ignored Me!’
And Other Ways I Can Empathize
Cliffs Notes for the Jewish
Dater
The Ten Commandments of Dating
