JEWISH DATING: INNER BEAUTY IS THE REAL BEAUTY
By Sherrie B. Miller
“What is man that you should remember him, and the son of man that you should be
mindful of him? Yet you have made him but slightly less than the angels and with
soul and splendor You have crowned him”. (Tehillim 8 vs. 6)
Wow! This sensational experience is what the dating process CAN be! If we could
only see deeper into the soul of our date… How exhilarating it could be if we could
truly appreciate the awesomeness and greatness of Hashem’s unique creation!
All too often, we sit opposite a potential spouse and interrogate them in our effort
to attain all the relevant information possible in the shortest amount of time.
In so doing, we miss out on an exploration expedition of the ultimate creation:
a human being! Each human being is an entire world in and of himself. The Talmud
teaches us that “one who saves a single soul, is as if he has saved the entire world!”
What is required in the dating process and what is often so sorely lacking is an
authentic curiosity for an-other. Curiosity is such a powerful relationship builder!
To show infinite curiosity of an- other’s life, work and interests, what makes one
tick or what “ticks one off” is to experience awe and reverence on the deepest level.
Curiosity allows the other to reveal his/her inner self without feeling subjected
to an interrogation, without a feeling of defensiveness.
With this mindset, we enter into an exciting adventure, a process which cannot
be rushed or concluded after a date or two. Getting to know a person from the inside
out, allowing their neshama to shine will usually result in a far more positive
view of the purely physical aspect of that person.
The lesson of letting time take its course, is expressed in the blessing “matzmiach
yeshua”, “the One who flourishes the redemption”, found in the Shmonei esreih prayer.
A plant’s growth and flourishing is a slow and drawn out process. Hashem
could easily have brought about an instantaneous salvation had He so desired. Yet,
He chose to teach us the important lesson that it is not about arriving at the destination,
but rather, it is about the journey!
How often do we stop to notice the wonders and beauty of this world? Perhaps we
resemble the Jews in Egypt during the plague of darkness: “no man could see his
brother!” (Shmot, Parshat Bo, 10: 23) Chazal tell us that this was not a physical
disability or an inability to see, but rather an unwillingness to see his brother’s
inner beauty, which brought darkness to the world!
It is little wonder that the Hebrew words for awe and seeing, Yirah and Re’iya,
have the same root. When we see each other superficially, but fail to perceive the
inherent greatness and uniqueness lying therein, we remain in the limitations (Mitzraim)
of the plague of darkness.
Let us resolve in the days following Chanuka, the holiday that expresses the miracle
of lights, to search and uncover the light of our fellow man/ woman’s soul- “ki
ner Hashem, nishmat adam”, “ for the candle of Hashem is the soul of Man”.
Sherrie B. Miller is a Jewish Matchmaker
on SawYouAtSinai.com and works with
Jewish Singles all over the world. She is an educational guidance counselor,
group leader, pre-marital coach, matchmaker and Judaic Studies teacher. Sherrie
is dedicated to promoting and enhancing emotional intelligence and communication
skills in conjunction with Torah values.
Sherrie received her educational counseling degree from the Michlalah in Bayit Vegan
and an M.A. in Education and Counseling from Touro College, Jerusalem, Israel. Sherrie
also holds a B.A. in Speech Pathology and Audiology from Brooklyn College and a
B.Sc. from Yeshiva University in Jewish Education. Sherrie is certified by Midreshet
Emunah and is accredited by the Rabbanut of Israel, to be a pre-marital couple’s
counselor and Kallah teacher.
Before coming to Israel in 1989 from Great Neck, New York, Sherrie taught Judaic
Studies at the North Shore Hebrew Academy. Sherrie also educated affiliated and
unaffiliated adults through the “Project Identity” outreach program under the directorship
of Rabbi Yaakov Lerner. Sherrie trained individuals and couples in the laws of Kashrut,
Guidelines of Parenting, Parshat Shavua and Pirkei Avot.
In her work as a Guidance Counselor in the national religious “Mamad” school, "Yehuda
Halevi", Sherrie instructed life skill workshops to students, parents and teachers,
with a focus on communication, conflict resolution and anger management. She also
leads support groups for children of divorce.
Sherrie is certified by the Life Center and leads Parenting workshops based on the
Faber/Mazlish workshops on, “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids
Sherrie is an executive board member of the Emunah World Zionist Organization, Mibreishit,
led by Rav Motti Alon, and Nishmat led my Rabbanit Hanna Henkin.
Sherrie’s diverse background in counseling and teaching, combined with torah principles
and values contribute to the depth and quality of her success with clients. Lessons
drawn from her own life transitions make her coaching perspective uniquely inspirational.
Sherrie helps individuals clarify their goals and take masterful action steps to
reach them. Sherrie is professionally known for her guidance in the educational
system as well as her outstanding capabilities teaching interpersonal relationship
skills to groups and individuals.
Having made a number of successful matches resulting in marriage, Sherrie volunteers
as a matchmaker for SawYouAtSinai, an internet matchmaking site.