Finding Your Beshert
By Lesley Silver-Winick
What is Beshert – best translated as your soul mate that Hashem (G-d) has pre-ordained
that two souls will meet. It says in the Talmud (Bible) that 40 days before you
are born that "the daughter of so and so is destined for this person." This is your
Beshert. A match made in heaven.
Does this mean that we should
wait around? If G-d has already chosen our Beshert, then one day that person should
just appear. The answer to this is no, just as your Beshert has been chosen for
you there is the possibility that with free will involved, you may not actually
meet your Beshert.
How do we know if the person we meet is our Beshert? There is still a lot of work
ahead to finding your Beshert. It is a difficult process, to find your Beshert,
it is even more problematic as we all have a pre-conceived idea of the type of person
we are looking for. With this sometimes your Beshert may be overlooked.
Finding your Beshert is bringing two souls together. Just as Eve was made from Adam's
rib, and then they were reunited, so to is the connection for husband and wife,
finding your Beshert means bringing your two souls together, and becoming whole
The dating world is difficult enough. Some are lucky and find their Beshert after
the first introduction, but I am sure in some of these cases these people may also
second guess themselves, and question if this person is truly there Beshert. You
want to figure out what is really important to you. It is difficult to finding your
Beshert when you are in your late teens or early 20's, and Orthodox, how do you
really know what you are looking for? One of the things you may consider is when
meeting your prospective beshert, is how does this person make you feel? Do you
feel that you could be a better person by being with them? That could be your Beshert.
You also have to remember that no one is perfect, and you must decide which "faults"
you may be willing to compromise on. Finding your Beshert may be very difficult,
don't go into it thinking that it will be easy, for some it is, others will wait
years to meet their beshert. For the Orthodox, finding your Beshert, the pressure
is on, as if you don't find someone within the first year of looking, you will also
have the people that are ready for finding their Beshert who weren't ready the year
There are also many people who over time become religious, “Baal Teshuvas” that
may be older. Some are divorced and have become religious after the first marriage,
and others became more and more religious over the years. Is this to say the first
marriage wasn't their Beshert, and now they are looking for their Beshert? Only
Hashem knows the answer. Some find their Beshert right away, and for others, such
as myself, it took 23 years of dating to find my Beshert at 39 years old. I look
back now and know that I had to wait for my Beshert, because he had to go through
20 years of marriage to someone else, become religious, for me to meet him.
To find your Beshert you must be open minded and really consider when someone discusses
a potential match for you; don't necessarily turn someone down because that person
could be you Beshert.
Lesley has been working as a Jewish
Matchmaker on JRetroMatch and writer for SawYouAtSinai, therefore works
with Jewish Singles all
over the world. She has been working in Social Services for 20 years in different
capacities. Getting married at age 40 has brought her to experience first hand the
world of dating for an extended period of time and hopes that her experiences can
be helpful to others. She is the proud mother of 4 children, two being step children
and looks forward to helping Jewish singles.